Is getting Divorced a New Year resolution made on the spur of the moment or has Christmas been the final straw?

Family lawyers will tell you the busiest period for them taking on new Instructions is January and February.

Of course the decision to Divorce or separate is an enormous one for any individual. A decision one rarely if ever takes on the spur of the moment. Over 110,000 of us take the decision to divorce each year, the figure for separation is probably higher. The office for National Statistics state that cohabitation is the fastest growing family group in the UK with 5.9 million of people choosing to cohabit in 2012 and 2 out every 5 cohabitees separate each year. So that enormous change in one’s life is a decision an awful lot of us make each year. Mark Mosley head of Family and a Partner at Vincents commented “Whilst it is not emotionally a spur of the moment decision the vast majority make that decision without knowing the full implications for themselves, children, wider family and friends.”
The emotional turmoil of divorce or separation is hard enough but then wading through the legal process fearful of the outcome, it’s no wonder that divorce and separation is right at the top of the most stressful things in a persons life. To make matters worse if you thought Christmas was expensive try having a fight with your ex partner through the Divorce court. One Couple recently ran up £1.3 million in legal costs in financial remedy dispute going to appeal over a lump sum award of £50,000 and a property valued at £450,000.

Mark commented “The post Christmas period is traditionally our busiest time of the year, we don’t expect it to be any less so this year and possibly more so once the public realise Legal aid is being withdrawn for the majority of divorce and children cases as from April 2013.”

A Family law specialist for 20 years Mark’s concerns are that too many people separate without first finding out the implications to them and the options available to resolve issues. Most of those options put the client first and are designed to keep cost down.

Mark stated “Imagine the situation you have been married 15 year have two dependent children and shared the decisions financial and non financial for those 15 years. The relationship ends and you ask the District Judge to disentangle those 15 years giving you the best deal based on a statute of law which is 40 years old and written for a different social time. Then take stock of the reality. The reality is a District Judge gets very little time to read the paper work you have submitted and even less time to conduct a hearing to deal with all the issues. The DJ certainly doesn’t know you, your children or your financial arrangements. Yet you are asking the DJ to make a ruling, which they will but it will not be what you wanted and the cost to you emotionally and financially will be huge. Mark asks Why rush into that, why ask a total stranger to make decisions which are rightfully yours and your ex to make.”

Mark explains “For the vast majority of cases there are constructive alternatives to litigation that empower both parties encourage cooperation and respect with the consequent benefits of being better for any children involved. The alternatives are usually quicker and cheaper for the parties.”

Those alternatives are:

Mediation

Mediators are trained to help resolve disputes over all issues faced by separating couples. A mediator will meet with you and your partner together and will identify those issues you can’t agree on and help you to try and reach agreement.

Mediators are neutral and will not take sides, so they cannot give advice to either of you. They will usually recommend that you obtain legal advice alongside the mediation process. 

Collaborative Law

Collaborative lawyers work with you, your partner and your partner's lawyer, in a series of face to face negotiations, to help you resolve your family disputes. You and your lawyers sign an agreement that commits you to trying to resolve the issues without going to court and prevents them from representing you in court if the collaborative process breaks down. That means all are absolutely committed to finding the best solutions by agreement, rather than through court proceedings.

Solicitors

Solicitors are used to negotiating, even in tense situations and on complex issues. Your Solicitor should explain what a fair settlement is for you and give you a range of options. They should then be able to negotiate on your behalf ensuring you are fully informed and left to make the decisions.

Mark commented  “An experienced Family Lawyer will calmly, constructively and objectively advise you on your options the cost of those options to you. "

Mark added “Don’t just turn up and see a divorce lawyer without being prepared.To help your solicitor and for you to get the best value ensure you have as much information available at that first meeting otherwise you simply pay to hear a solicitor talk about generalities and maybes. If possible provide a summary of date of marriage, dates of birth of you your partner and children also provide as much financial information as you can such as income, assets, pension and debts. Prepare a list of questions, e.g. how much will it cost, can you make him move out, how long will it take.”

Mark Mosley is a Partner at Vincents and Head of its Family Law department. For further information regarding Divorce or Separation and Mediation call Mark on 0800 320 2300 or email markmosley@vslaw.co.uk